Then They All Got Naked: What Really Happens Inside a "Lifestyle" Swing Club. O. Kay Jackson, Photography by Heather Swanson. Published by Press Works, Savannah, Georgia, 2008.
Reviewed by Carol Sanders
In a move from Georgia to the suburbs of New York, author O. Kay Jackson finds herself literally in the back yard of a swingers club. The club caters to married couples who are living the "Lifestyle" of trading partners. Jackson makes the most of the opportunity and takes a job as a cashier at the club, which results in this highly entertaining, thought-provoking book. In the some 20 years of knowing Jackson, I have never found her shy about asking questions, and I'm always entertained by her sharp eye for observing human nature and her resulting wry comments. This book doesn't disappoint. Her years of reporting come through in the writing, as do her opinions on life, love, politics and sex.
Upstairs at the Swing Shift, the name she gives to the club to protect the privacy of the participants, she "gets the skinny" from the owners and eavesdrops on more than a few guests. Among the most amusing parts of the book are the anecdotes on the sometimes preening, sometimes arguing, downtime behavior of the participating couples. Even thought the bedrooms are downstairs at the club, Jackson still gets an eyeful and an earful and takes the reader along for the ride. But somehow she uses all of this to create a book that is more about attitudes, conversations and observations in the non-sexual sense than about people "doing the do." The professional photos scattered throughout the text do titillate a bit but, alas for the voyeur, are photos of models, not actual guests.
Before the book was published, I traveled through the area and stopped to take Jackson to lunch. Our visit included a tour of the club during the day, including downstairs, where private rooms cater to various eclectic tastes. (In her book, Jackson does a terrific job of describing the rooms and hinting at the various fantasies they foster.) While swinging wouldn't be my cup of tea, given the possibilities of a situation turning ugly when dealing with sex, alcohol and other people's spouses, it was nice to know that there were safe places for people to practice this particular hobby. One might not want a club like this in the neighborhood, but Jackson explains how it is legal.
Much of the book is a behind-the-scenes account of running this very quirky weekend bed-and-breakfast, where "Sissy" (Sissy and Vince are the made-up names of the owners of the club) handles most of the hospitality part of the operation. The day of my visit, we met Sissy in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookies for the big Halloween party coming up Saturday night. I smiled at the irony of the situation and relaxed a little at how at home one might feel, at least upstairs. I even envisioned a sequel, a cookbook of recipes perhaps titled: Variety is the Spice of Life: Recipes to Serve Hoards of Horny Couples in the Lifestyle. Sissy says they won't eat soup. What do you serve and how much? Are beans on the menu? Garlic? Jackson tells just how hard it is planning, cooking for and cleaning up after the weekend shenanigans.
While I wasn't particularly interested in learning more about the "Lifestyle," I did take away a few important lessons from the book, such as the attitude that many of the women guests have about their own bodies. In a time when the media deluges us with images of thin, young faces and bodies, it is comforting to know that there is a whole group of woman who are neither thin nor young but, as Jackson relates, "have a rock-solid conviction of their own feminine worth."
Why men and women participate in the Lifestyle is an entirely different discussion that is well documented through conversations Jackson has with some of the guests. Some of the reasons are what one would expect, "more sex", "different partners," but there are also a few surprises. At least one couple was sent to the Lifestyle by their marriage counselor. It worked for them, and they subsequently gave up the marriage counselor. Two surprising points for me from the discussion were first, for whatever reason they join, many of the couples at the club appreciate the friendly atmosphere that is not all about sex and second, the word "respect" is often used among the couples to define the treatment they expect and receive.
Some things in life remain a mystery—understanding our fellow travelers in the world is often part of that mystery. One of the best chapters is at the end, where Jackson has a conversation with herself and reflects that "a non-swinger will never understand the degree of sexual curiosity and desire that drives a person to the Lifestyle."
I admit I was one of the people Jackson quotes in the book who, upon hearing her subject, said it was all a bit "tacky." Now, after reading this mind-opening book which is a meditation on sex through the ages, marriages and morals with delicious stories weaving the ideas together, I probably wouldn't be so quick to judge. And I definitely have more respect and gratitude for those who run bed-and-breakfast establishments of all kinds. I am now more compassionate and understanding of people making choices that they believe are right for them. I learned a lot from this book, and, in the end, isn't that what reading is all about?
